My honest breastfeeding journey

I came to the end of my breastfeeding journey with my second daughter after 6 months.

First time round with Ely didn't turn out as expected with multiple latch issues after visits to various lactation consultants, causing me to exclusively pump for months (which inspired me to create eco-friendly breastmilk storage bags). 

Second time round, I wasn't as hopeful as the first time about breastfeeding. Maybe slightly more hesitant and resigned.

But the moment the midwife placed Laina on me to have her first feed, it felt different. 

She could do the breast crawl and actually latched. And weirdly, it didn't hurt that much. 

Yes! I can breastfeed!

It turned out to be the biggest love hate relationship of my life. I felt incredibly proud that I could nurse and not worry about bottles, warm water and formula when we went out. 

We went to a park spontaneously and it's OKAY!! 

We went to Vietnam when she was 3 months old and I didn't bring any bottles with me. I could feed her on-demand and there was no washing! No sterilising!

It was LIFE-CHANGING!

But needless to say... also very tiring. I felt like I was constantly sucked out of energy. I thought I could catch up on Netflix while I fed Laina and rest and relax, but instead of feeling recharged after nursing, I felt even more tired.

Between running after a toddler and taking care of a young baby, I was constantly fatigued. And desperately, I needed something to change. 

I started weaning and introducing more expressed breastmilk to replace the nursing sessions. I didn't realise how much weaning would affect me emotionally. 

Weaning was so hard especially when Laina was fed to sleep and I felt like I was giving up on something that I craved so badly at the start. I was also struggling because I was worried that we would lose the bond. 

To help with the process, I would consciously stop offering Laina the breast as comfort and our nursing sessions got shorter and shorter. 

I knew I had to introduce formula after my freezer stash ran out. I had a freezer full of expressed breastmilk because I was pumping twice a day since Laina was a newborn. I did this because I knew I would wean one day and was hoping to use the milk stash to give breastmilk to Laina as long as possible.

Honestly, after adjusting to the change in hormones when breastfeeding ended, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. 

I was really hating to wake up in the middle of the night to pump. And then I felt stressed and worried that my milk supply went down and that Laina wasn't getting enough on the boob. 

I finally made peace with my decision and looking back it was definitely the right decision for me. #fedisbest

Can you relate mamas? Tell us what your experience is and spend a moment browsing through the comments. You may just discover something helpful! xx