A letter to myself as a burnt out mum

Dear self, 

It's been a really challenging 3 years. 

Firstly, I want to say sorry for neglecting you, your friends and your soul. I became the person who stopped reaching out to friends, who lost her professional relevance and who only wanted to be around her kids. 

I stopped prioritising you and your needs. Even if it was just a night of trashy Netflix shows - I felt like I had too much on my plate to indulge in it.  

I took you for granted, abused you physically and mentally. 

I'm now burnt out, and looking back I just realised how much you've done for me.

I was keeping up with a strong front. Painting a positive image that I could survive with minimum help, raising two kids, hustling hard in this modern parenting world. *eye roll

I was naive to think that the hustle would create a result that would bring happiness and success (case in point: juggling motherhood with a small business).

That was stupidity on my part. 

Parenting 2 toddlers is f*cking hard. 

I want to tell you this: Stop trying so hard to live up to this perfect parenting bullsh*t.

Chocolate bribe at 8AM to get the kids to daycare? And that bitter metallic after taste that lasts for the whole day called mum guilt? 

You tried your best. Now move on.  

Screamed and yelled at the kids over their fussiness at meal times? Called them annoying little sh*t? Or even slammed the plate hard on the table?

You have big emotions. Say sorry, and move on. 

What about the time when you got so angry at them that you had to do the silent treatment? (and your inner voice is telling you that silent treatment is the worst treatment a parent can give a child, and that you are a bad bad parent). 

Seriously?! It's not right what you are doing. But you're only human. 

Stop worrying that your actions or big emotions will traumatise and mess up your kid for life. You make mistakes. Forgive yourself. 

Every minute of every day you know you're trying your goddamn hardest.

And that should be enough. 

Stop torturing yourself with guilt. 

Just do your best. And that's enough. 

Love, 

Me